Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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