Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
