If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
