The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
