He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
