yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
