Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
