Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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