Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
