I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
