i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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