After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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