I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
