I'm eating all of the evidence.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
