yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
