dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
