I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Terrible idea I love it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
