My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Still dying that you shit outside
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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