We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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