I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
