so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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