Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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