I just threw up on my dentist
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
