So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
