I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
