I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize