This is not my ceiling
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
