Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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