When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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