one might say we're banned from that church
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
