I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
