This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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