mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
