I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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