plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
