we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
