If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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