A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
