Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
