also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
