he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
