I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
