Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
