Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
