No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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