my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
