i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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