Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
