the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
