Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
