I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
