i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
...so i touched it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
