ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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