We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
