There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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