The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
