i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
