it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
