when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
