I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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