i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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