porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
