we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
