The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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