ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
