my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
