every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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