I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
