I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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