Apparently you make a good broom.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
