garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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