You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
