New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
