I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
