There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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