1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
