it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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