Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
